I thought it was all over between me and eharmony. Our two-week relationship had already turned sour. And I’d gone into it with such high expectations – eharmony had promised me so much. After two weeks, all it had delivered was a wink, and a ‘call me’ from a guy who claimed on his profile that ‘anything you do, you ought too do well’.
I was starting to get resentful. That photo of the gleaming couple on the log-in page was bad enough, but accompanying it with the statistic that 263 people marry every single day after meeting on eharmony just felt like a cruel taunt. Like any disappointed lover I started to notice and enumerate eharmony’s flaws.
These focused mainly on its design, which is so boring you actually feel your personality seeping out of your body as you use it. It looks and feels like the website of an industrial equipment insurer from Ohio*. Then there’s the way that it keeps heckling me for not finding anyone yet. “Why haven’t you got in touch with one of your perfect matches yet?” is an example of a genuine message it sent me recently. I can only assume it’s been taking tips from my mother.
As for those emails pinging into my inbox at 7am every single morning – two words. Beauty. Sleep.
I’d had enough. Eharmony was getting dumped.
Then I came across Andrew’s profile. Andrew is a trader in the City, and he wants to me to know that he is passionate about being “financially stable” and “well educated”. To the question: ‘Who’s been the most influential person in your life?’ he has replied ‘Myself’. He likes Africa. Why? “Financial potential”.
I cannot leave eharmony. I cannot leave until I find out if Andrew is real, or the accidental AI creation formed by a freak power surge at the Stock Exchange on the day that Boris Johnson stopped by.
I have sent Andrew a message.
*That’s been designed by the work experience girl because she’s the only person in the office who knows what a website is.
I really hope it gets better for you. I met my husband on eHarmony, and have never been happier in a relationship. I know there are problems with the site, and that it can make you feel like you’re not living up to its standards, but don’t get caught in the marketing cycle. Give it some honest time to work, and you may be surprised.
(Another thing to remember, it doesn’t pull lapsed profiles unless the user deleted them, so you may find yourself trying to communicate with someone who isn’t active.)
Good Luck!
Glad to hear “Andrew” got your attention. LOL Tospinayarn – congratulations and thanks for the vote of confidence! The process may be really slow and frustrating at times, but it only takes one, and that’s our goal, actually. It’s the way the whole site was designed.
TheGirlGlory, there’s a possibility that you’re not getting the full advantage of your matching options. Please know you’re welcome to follow me on Twitter @eHarmony_Jack and tweet or DM me. I’m pretty creative with setting ideas, and I’d love to help. -Jack
Oh wow. I saw the eharmony TV adverts and, for a moment, I wavered in my decision never to, ever to get sucked into any dating agency set up again. But really, surely, you and I both know that nothing that ‘pairs up’ complete strangers is ever going to work.
IF you are going to find the love of your life, it will be pure chance, a fluke, because you went to an event you didn’t really want to and met someone else who didn’t really want to be there… or because you met someone at work.. or a new man joined your church…
But if you really don’t meet the man of your dreams despite baring your soul online and meeting men in bars and putting yourself ‘out there’… and if life doesn’t work out how you expected it to, please don’t despair. Really. I am sure that there is nothing in this world as wonderful as a happy marriage and children. But if it doesn’t happen for you, as it didn’t happen for me, there are other lives to live and other happinesses to find. Truly.
But good luck in your search: I am enjoying your journey immensely!
[...] I’ve been, talking about eharmony’s computer system as if it was a real person (I think you’ll find the technical term is ‘anthropomorphising’), and then I log on to the [...]
This sounds exactly like my relationship with eharmony! i teeter on the brink of ending it every week, but then a nice looking guy pulls me back in (it was an Andrew too).
I find it ebbs and flows, all contact one fortnight, crickets silence the next.
My other online dating friends have more luck with RSVP, and its cheaper too,
do i dare switch? (after publicly bagging rsvp and vowing I’d never?)