An open letter to Eharmony Jack

There are some things you just couldn’t script. Here I’ve been, talking about eharmony’s computer system as if it was a real person (I think you’ll find the technical term is ‘anthropomorphising’), and then I log on to the blog and find the following comment from ‘eharmonyjack’: Glad to hear “Andrew” got your attention. The [...]

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Eharmony wins a reprieve

I thought it was all over between me and eharmony. Our two-week relationship had already turned sour. And I’d gone into it with such high expectations – eharmony had promised me so much. After two weeks, all it had delivered was a wink, and a ‘call me’ from a guy who claimed on his profile [...]

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Number crunching: how to know an evening’s over

Saw Funny Boy yesterday. He’d invited a bunch of mates to the pub. I arrived nice and early – reckoning, with my now well-honed Machiavellian instinct, that he would have especially kindly feelings toward the person who stopped him sitting on his own. I was foiled: I got there to find another girl friend of [...]

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We’re off to see the Wizard…

Eharmony update, in numbers: 58: Number of matches I have been sent so far by The Computer 12: Number of people I have sent an ‘icebreaker’ to 1: Number of people who have responded 0: Number of people I’m likely to date on this site It could be said that this is not going well. [...]

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An office and a gentleman

Is it possible to go out on a date within office hours? I don’t mean skipping out at lunchtime to meet up with a handsome stranger. (I’ve done that. I don’t recommend it. Gives you a secret smile for the rest of the day but ruins your productivity levels.) What I mean is: if you [...]

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Eharmony re-up: here comes the good s**t

The eharmony computer has won itself a reprieve. This morning, my daily delivery of ‘suitable’ guys* included a Christian lawyer who left a big City firm to work for an overseas charity, who spends his spare time turning out for the armed forces reserve and whose last-book-read was War and Peace. Which makes him rich, [...]

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Eharmony: it’s me against the machine

I decided to give eharmony 48 hours to impress me before I cough up for its extortionate £35 a month subscription. It boasts that with its personality match system, you don’t have to wade knee-high through profiles, the way you would with other sites.  Instead, they email you a handful of ‘highly compatible matches’ each [...]

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Give me a Myers-Briggs and I’m anyone’s

This has not been the best weekend. After what will be known in the history books as the Great Hairdressing Catastrophe, I am at a low ebb, and my hair, instead of dazzling blonde, is the colour of weak coffee. My confidence – sky high right up to the moment I walked into the salon [...]

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Dilemma corner: any answers?

It’s Sunday morning, I’m still in bed, chomping on cereal and musing on a dilemma. It has to do with Scissor Sisters. Yes, those pesky androgynous glam-vamp disco freaks have got me good. Here’s the skinny*. I have done some recent work for the band, and been rewarded with a couple of tickets to their [...]

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A night out with Divinely Ordained Crush, part 2

(cont.) When Divinely Ordained Crush arrived at the pub, I was declaiming from a bar stool, fiercely gripping a pint of Cola and denouncing Tory fiscal policy with the doom-laden invective and creeping hysteria of a latter-day Savonarola. Whether my eyes were actually rolling in my head I’m not sure; it seems likely. All I [...]

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