The return of Celebrity Crush – and why a sausage stick won’t keep him safe

Ever seen Sleepless in Seattle? Meg Ryan falls for Tom Hanks despite the two never having even spoken to each other, and it’s supposed to be a beautiful romantic destiny…

But watch it again and what actually happens is this. A newspaper journalist starts fantasising about a man she’s heard once on the radio. She becomes obsessed to the point where she breaks off her engagement. She uses all her contacts (and a private detective) to track him down. Then she flies across the country to trail him around his hometown. But because it’s a romcom, no one admits that Meg Ryan’s a Creepy Stalker. They call her a Hopeless Romantic.

This is clearly dangerous and irresponsible filmmaking. It seems to be saying that if you really, truly fancy a guy, even if he’s happily getting along with his own life without you on the other side of the country, he can still be yours – if you just wish it hard enough, and are prepared to break various professional and ethical codes of conduct.

So, I blame Sky for what happened next. You don’t preach the virtues of stalking to a dangerously suggestible female with a Celebrity Crush, but they just went ahead and aired it anyway, at a time I was feeling particularly emotionally vulnerable, and without any sort of warning. The next thing you know, I’m sending an email to Celebrity Crush (and a mutual friend of ours) inviting them both on a corporate event. Wildly daring act, or dangerously unhinged? I’ll let you decide.

What you should be more worried about is this: they’ve both accepted. There is the very real possibility that TheGirlGlory will soon be spending several hours in the company of her favourite celebrity, and he will have nothing more than a sausage on a stick to defend himself.

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